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Friend to the End
Are you tired of all those sissy, mushy friendship poems that always sound good but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that really speaks to true friendship!
1. When you are sad, ...I will get you drunk (or gorge on chocolate) and help you plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
2. When you are blue, ...I'll try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile, ...I'll know you finally got laid.
4. When you are scared, ...I will rag you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried, ..I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.
6. When you are confused, ...I will use little words to explain.
7. When you are sick, ...stay away from me until you're well again. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall, ...I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
This is my oath, ...I pledge 'til the end. Why you may ask? Because you're my friend!  Show this to ten of your closest friends and get depressed because you can only think of two, and one of them is not speaking to you right now anyway.
Remember: A friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body.
~*A good friend will come and bail you out of jail, but a true friend will be sitting right beside you saying  "That was fucking awesome!!!*~